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Cuomo Reaffirms: Unf*ckable White Men in Power is Why Weed Can’t Have Nice Things

beard bros pharms why weed cant have nice things

It was the best of times… it was the worst of times…

That was how Charles Dickins began his novel A Tale of Two Cities published way back in 1859 but no less relatable now as it surely was then.

This article begins with a look at two cities a continent apart, and events nearly a decade apart, but it’s really a timeless and all-American story about greed, sex (or a lack of…), and the real reason why, collectively speaking, we can’t have nice things.


You have probably heard the news that New York Governor Andrew Cuomo has been hammered with a report released by the state’s Attorney General’s office outlining and verifying several accounts of sexual harassment between the governor and female staff, law enforcement, and others, almost always in the workplace or during his political career with many of the accusations stemming from relatively recent events.

Though this news just dropped this week, the allegations have been looming over Cuomo’s well-gelled head for quite some time, surely weighing on his mind.

You may have also heard that New York legalized* the recreational adult use, possession, and sale of cannabis for everyone ages 21 and up back in March of this year with Cuomo himself inking the final sig to seal the deal. (* taxed & regulated)

This came after literal years of excuse-free delays from Cuomo’s administration when it came to cannabis legalization, all while New York cops continued to bust Black folks at an astronomically higher rate than Caucasians. In 2020 – that’s right, 20fuckin20 – 93% of all cannabis-related arrests in the five boroughs of NYC were Black or Hispanic people.

Governor Cuomo just couldn’t follow the will of the people, or even many of his fellow governors, for years because, as it turns out, he was awfully busy sexually harassing women which seems to be a recurring theme with unfuckable white men in power.

Roughly 2,700 miles to the west, in San Diego, cannabis activists collectively cringe when they’re reminded of former Mayor Bob Filner, who was forced into a shameful resignation in 2013 after he was found to be just as creepy as he appears to be. Allegations from female members of Filner’s staff included accusations of “inappropriate comments, kissing and groping”. He was later charged in association with those allegations and convicted on counts of battery and false imprisonment.

This was in the heyday of Prop 215 and California’s medical cannabis market but San Diego was leading the nation in multiagency state/federal raids on growers and dispensaries, crippling the culture there and creating an unnecessarily dangerous environment to be operating in.

Filner campaigned on promises of pro-cannabis reform for San Diego and was elected with high hopes from an embattled cannabis community.

Instead, he got horny at work so no new ordinance or peace of mind for you San Diego.

This is one of those issues that crosses party lines and thrives throughout time which is why something as popular as cannabis reform constantly gets kicked down the road year after year, decade after decade…

Billy Clinton did toke, didn’t inhale, did ejaculate. No cannabis reform.

Congressman Matt Gaetz (R-FL) has been one of the most outspoken advocates for long-overdue cannabis reform in our nation’s capital since he arrived in Washington D.C. in 2017.

The bobble-headed lawyer-turned-lawmaker always rubbed us the wrong way, regardless of his broken-clock-correct position on pot, but cannabis should be have bipartisan support so Gaetz’s voice was welcomed and amplified.

Welp, it turns out that creepy-looking-creep #2 is also a creep.

You’d never know it by the way he just keeps showing up to work as a Congressman and isn’t, ya know, bodyslammed and hauled off to prison, but Gaetz is facing very serious and very credible allegations of wining, dining, and statutorily raping an underage female who was later paid for her expenses, and her silence. Investigators literally have receipts since Gaetz made payments to his co-creep via Venmo with notes specifying that they go to the female in question.

Another one about to go down like an incel’s zipper when you give them a hint of power.

Time after time, cannabis reform and a long list of other “nice things” get delayed, distracted, or otherwise derailed by some scumbag who can’t keep his hands to himself.

The women affected are the true victims, of course, yet the ripple effect of these inexcusable actions radiate far and wide.


For my entire adult life, politics (particularly at the national level) has been a massive circle-jerk due to many elected officials being there despite their stated hatred for government and many more just whipping out their flaccid weiners whenever the urge strikes.

Cannabis reform, however, has been a breath of fresh air as we (all of us together!) have cut through that tangle of ineptitude and taken this movement from the grassroots to the halls of Congress, scorned, jailed, and doubted every step of the way.

Maybe, just maybe, New Yorkers will finally get a cannabis market now that the Badfella Gov is packing his bags. Hopefully, that will translate to fewer cannabis-related arrests in the Empire State as that is kind of the point, right?

We realize that politics are usually boring but when elections do roll around at least do us all a favor and try not to vote for the unfuckable creepy old white dude anymore. Let’s see how that works.

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